Friday, March 23, 2007

Meeting a Tree

IF you ever chance to meet a tree

With thick old trunk and wide canopy

Stop for a moment and just make known

How thankful you are that it chose to grow



You know how people are...

There's something, well, different about this. Something unique and special and strange that I'm starting to find that I like. I'm starting to get a grasp of the whole Blog thing, and I'm beginning to realize the subtle intricacies of it.

For the last three or four years, I haven't really paid too much attention to blogs.  They weren't all that exciting to me, weren't all that interesting.  The ones you often hear about generally fell into three groups:

Viral Marketing

And, well, I just don't have a whole hell of a lot to say that I suspect would be of great interest to anyone beyond myself on those subjects.

Poultices: I like small government, fewer entitlement programs, better accountability, more freedom, more defensive posture.

Gossip: I kinda check in on American Idol when the headline is good in the little drop down, but I could care less who else is fucking up their lives beyond all recognition when they have bazillions of dollars and haven't given me any of them.

Viral marketing: unless I'm doing the selling, no thank you -- I haven't the money to buy whatever crap it is you are hurling out that won't make me a better person anyway, and if I'm interested in it in the first place, then its likely already on my list or getting ready to be bought.

But this whole Blogging thing I like.

I like it because it allows me to be me.  It allows me to vent my thoughts and see them there before me, and possibly work through a few things. I don't have to worry about the f'd up connection twixt my mouth and brain that works at about a 60th of the speed, and requires me to be retain a train of thought whilst effort is being made to derail said train by those I'm speaking to.

It means that I can be a selfish little bitch all I want to be.  It means that I can put up my silly little doggerel and that I can play with concepts and ideas and also that I can just say pooh to the things I want to say pooh to.

 It means I can cry when I want to cry, exult when I want to exult, share when I want to share. Its means that when someone wants to know about me, inside, they can come here and get one viewpoint that they will *never* get any other way.

See, in person, I'm generally quiet.  I sit there, and I smile.  If the conversation is about something I have an interest in, I'll pipe up on occasion. When spoken to, I can be animated, but, well, if I don't know you, and I'm not comfortable around you, I generally become a wallflower of the worst kind.

Once I am comfy, though, I'm a nightmare.  I have strong opinions that I like to think are well reasoned and based in something less nebulous than some half assed argument tossed at me with a bit of flaire by whatever radio jackass happened to be on the station when I was stuck in a stall during rush hour. And I defend them passionately and forcefully, my body language kicking in and expression stern. 

But, mostly, really, I just sit back and watch.  Its more interesting that way.

here I don't have those restrictions of social interplay that I don't particularly care for. The people I do like to talk to are all odd anyway, and putting a bunch of odd people face to face in a room is a recipe for the fomenting of rebellions or the collapse of Civilization-As-We-Know-It.

All of which, really, is to say this: I like to blog because it gives me a way to think that's best for me, and that isn't going to take up boxes and boxes of space in my storage that people will never want to read anyway.



And yes, once again I am without inet as I write this.  Last night seems to have been a bit of a reprieve, as I gained a bit of extra time that I made use of (roughly 4 hours more than the usual, which lulled me, and then was cut off).

This whole thing has, basically, made me have to avoid Topix. Which, in part, is the Goal.  I haven't posted because I haven't come up with a new name under which to do so, and I'm unwilling to plop down my efforts under a name that doesn't have at least some direct bearing on me as a person.  I have to change name because if I don't, those who control my access (for the moment, at least) will opt to shut it out and down on seeing me post.


It has meant that I get to enjoy other things, though.


Things that bother me:


1 - Blogger doesn't let me upload files.  I know there's an FTP thingy and all that, but, well, its annoying.  The picture thing is cool. And there are other little bits and pieces I like.

2 - I actually got to keep my hosting for another month, (or, 20 days, as the case may be) so while I write this, I also have a wordpress blog set up and ready to go, with three wonderful domains pointing to it. But nothing new going to it.

I may, however, simply use it to host the files for here, and then perhaps do a repoint or something.


3 - home is a long way from here, and I miss it terribly.

4 - I keep retreating more into boymode. That realy irks the crap out of me, as it means I'm getting defensive, and I haven't pinpointed the way to step out of it yet.

5 - Life isn't as colorful when you can't see.

and that's enough for today...

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